I love and hate that where I live is home to so many amazing and creative people. All around are people expressing and living their part with passion. As much as it stirs something within, it also highlights that I simply am not.
I’m so busy trying to dance in time to the role of mother and wife and grown-up but somehow I’m still one beat off, playing catch up, stumbling a lot, hoping nobody will notice. How to live these roles authentically, to be in laughter and play and true spontaneity, while simultaneously carrying responsibility and an attempt at routine?
And so I shuffle around self-consciously, one beat off, observing those around me, wondering what it would be like to live day-to-day life effortlessly in flow, fun and without thought. I’ve tasted these ways of being and feel a little teased that they feel so within reach yet so frustratingly far.
I have a choice. To try endlessly to get the dance right, when really I realize as I write that there is no wrong. Dance is much broader and bigger and even more so with the dance of life. Or, I can close my eyes out to the world more and just find my own beat within. The beat that is peaceful and knowing. The inner rhythm, call it intuition or a piece of G-d, that is much truer than all the distractions of the mind with all its worries, fears, insecurities, and attempts to control life. To just dance.