I am grateful to have the luxury of trying to find and create a home that we love, beyond just four walls and a roof. Though I want to share what we’ve learned along the way, it is with the awareness that there are too many out there without roofs over their heads. May every homeless and displaced person find their place in the world NOW.
Firstly, what is home?
For starters, there’s the country you call home. Or multiple countries you call home. In my case, I suspect I will always experience a sense of home in South Africa no matter where I choose to live. I believe where you spend your childhood is powerful and that the place remains embedded within. For me, just a scent or an image of South Africa’s dazzling landscape awakens a deep love and pining.
Then there’s the place where you put your things and sleep and live from day to day. This is the focus of this piece.
But on a deeper level, I know home is ultimately within. One can be in the most exquisite place in the world and yet feel black and trapped and in despair, and conversely in the grimmest of places yet be truly at peace and free and alive. So as I go about trying to find a physical home, it’s together with a striving to make my mind a homey place of peace, freedom and consciousness where I can choose loving, helpful thoughts and let light stream through the space. That’s really where it’s at for us all.
Now back to finding a four walls type of home.
I believe in the first click, the feeling that this is it. I don’t want to settle for less. One’s gut and intuition knows. When I’ve tried to convince my gut to settle for less, it has not worked out. Yes, nothing is perfect, and even less so in the slightly haphazard but charming area in which we live, but there has to be a warm feeling of right-ness.
A home is a match and the same home that works for one may not work for another.
A home is a place to recharge one’s soul before going out into the world.
I believe the home space needs to be comforting, grounding, safe, nurturing, energizing and inspiring. I like to imagine it is a place where I will feel like me, and that in it, I will be in touch with my dreams and charged to achieve them. A place that is paradoxically stable and yet that ultimately leaves me feeling free.
Everyone has their list of factors that cannot be compromised on. Note to self (and others): Don’t compromise on them.
The energy of spaces and places cannot be ignored. They are there for a reason and are a guide and a help.
The other day we saw yet another two places on yet more weird shaped pieces of land, and I felt exasperated, like the whole thing was a bit of a joke that was more exhausting than funny. But then I felt deeply that it is for a reason and that Hashem is so guiding us to our place in the world. We are still very much in things and don’t have the perspective and light of hindsight, but I know we will look back and it will make sense.
You only know and appreciate what’s right after going through a whole lot of wrongs. Finding a home is a bit like finding your partner in life. In a sense a home should be a real partner as you navigate your way through this life.
Mistakes, we have made a few. But then, that’s what life is about. If we knew then what we know now…but really, life is about learning and growth, trying and failing and trying again. I am grateful that we have had the blessing of being able to mess up yet be okay.
I believe in magnetizing in just about anything, and yes, this blog post, is yet another way of clarifying and me trying to draw into our life a home that fits. I don’t want to give up on this belief, but what I do want is to not be hard on myself when it’s not happening under the mistaken notion that it’s because I can’t get myself into a connected enough place to summon in something right (It’s crazy how one’s judgmental voice gets in through the back door). So yes to pro activity to help bring it in, but also yes to compassion and love for ourselves. And no to thinking it’s only about us and trying to control our reality too tightly.
I heard a wise woman say the other day that G-d wants to give shefa (abundance) and we just need to make ourselves into receptacles. I love the analogy in the book “The Artist’s Way” that G-d is the great artist, the great creator, after all it is G-d who made the world with all its infinite colors and possibilities. Though I want to believe in my biggest life, with me as my best self, there is also an insecurity and fear and scarcity thinking within and it’s time to see that for what it is: a non-true belief I learned long, long ago. It’s time to let go if that and be open to real abundance.
A home is not about money. I am most inspired by homes that feel like home not only by the lavishness of the decor (though it can help) but by the love and creativity that goes into it, and of course the love within its walls. The simplest things can make a place feel like home - freshly cut flowers, lit candles, a freshly painted fun colored wall.
May we find our best space to live in, a space that really speaks to us, and all be blessed to live in magnificent homes, inside and out.