The mind-body connection. We all experience it from time to time but it becomes so clear in extreme cases. The other day, I was having a very exhausting, traumatic conversation with a distressed person whom I love so much. Unable to help, not sure what to say and unable to continue listening, I literally could not speak. I could not breathe. My stomach formed one knot. And my legs grew heavy.
And my legs feel so weary still. A feeling of not being able to move. Leaden. They’re heavy, weighed down by the past, present and future, my inability to help this someone I resolved to always help when I was a little girl and knew no better. But my legs are not her legs and I can’t live and change her life and reality. And sighs, I have an endless amount. My way of saying – too much, can’t handle, overwhelmed, helpless.
I am so impatient with vulnerability in my body. I expect it to work fine no matter what. No matter the lack of sleep or emotional environment it lives together with. But everything takes its toll. Simple cause and effect. And yet part of me demands that I cope. That my legs just move. Belittles my experience. “Why can’t I be energized, light (like xxx) and go, go, go?”
And I write to bring us all to awareness of voices within that are our own worst enemy; that serve no purpose but to undermine and bring us down. All we can do is accept our bodies and selves, for fighting what is, does nothing.
It does not serve us nor serve the world to NOT be our biggest fan. We are imperfect and have had imperfect lives and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We are all victims of victims. All we can do is try our best. And when that best is not some fantasy best we can’t let go of, we need to shove that voice of expectation out the way. And keep moving toward our personal best and truth.